“I think being a teenager is such a compelling time period in your life ― it gives you some of your worst scars and some of your most exhilarating moments. It’s a fascinating place; old enough to feel truly adult, old enough to make decisions that affect the rest of your life, old enough to fall in love, yet, at the same time too young (in most cases) to be free to make a lot of those decisions without someone else’s approval.”

― Stephenie Meyer, Author of the Twilight Saga

Every now and then we hear a mother telling her adolescent or teenage daughter to sit properly, a guy is told to behave properly, remain hygienic, stay away from bad peer group….It’s like when you were kids everything was so cool and awesome. But, when you step into your “teens” your freedom is said to get choked. Suddenly your day might get filled with words like “don’t”; “behave yourself”; “how dare you”…and stuff like that. I remember one of my clients who were a teenager. She was very upset with her parents as they did not allow her to wear short clothes, party and booze, no night-out, no mingling with guys, etc. She used to say that she is not bad or cranky. She called her parents as being “paranoid”, who always doubted her and took away all the freedom from her life.

If you are a teenager who can relate to the above sentences/situation, if you are a helpless parent of a troublesome teenager, then you have come to the right place.

Teenage is basically a phase of transition. It is a period of change in your body, mind, personality, behaviour manifestations and so on. The chemical changes or maturation process going on inside your body leads to transitions in different levels of functioning. These levels of functioning can be from varied platforms and perspectives like personal life, social life, educational life, personality, thinking, behaviour, belief systems so on and so forth. An imbalance or problem in any of these dimensions can make teenage a difficult phase of life.

As a teenager you may experience varied kinds of challenges in front of you. These challenges came as the key to either your progress or pitfall. If you know how to handle these challenges, you can utilize these in a healthy, adaptive and righteous manner. However, if you fail to deal effectively with these aspects then they can do a permanent damage to your life as a whole. This damage will not only affect you, but also your parents, sibling, peers, society and higher levels of life living. Some of the major challenges are:

  • Body Changes
  • Changes in thought processes
  • Personality changes
  • Parental role-shift
  • Peer pressure
  • Educational and other stressors
  • Media Exposure and related issues
  • Other important challenges

Now let us discuss these issues one by one, how they tend to affect your life and how you can deal with each one of them to optimize your level of a fruitful living.

Challenge / IssueRisk FactorsManagement
Body Changes  
  • High or low self-image
  • High or low self-esteem
  • Changes in self-confidence
  • Changes in diet: Can lead to bulimia or anorexia nervosa
  • Changes in sleep and lifestyle
  • Treating body change as a normal growing up process
  • Exercise, Yoga, Meditation, Walking, Hobbies, etc
  • Mirror therapy or positive self-affirmation
  • Balanced diet, reduce in-take of junk food
Changes in thought processes
  • Quite obviously if changes in the body occur it can also result in changes in thought processes. This is due to hormonal changes mainly.
  •  Try to control your racing thoughts
  • Channelize negative thoughts into positive ones
  • Talk to your elders
  • Do not seclude or cocoon your thoughts. Effective communication or sharing is the key to achieve a healthy/socially acceptable thought cloud.
 Personality Changes 
  • Right or wrong choice of social models and trying to copy or mimic them
  • Loss of your own individuality or unique traits
  • Ill-effects of comparison and contrast
  • Self-identity
  • Self-awareness
  • Mirror therapy
  • Cognitive processing
  • Meditation
  • Emphasis on life goals and value system
  • Do not compare yourself with anybody. Try to develop yourself with proper inspirations and role models
 Parental Role-Shift
  • Fallacies in parenting
  • Parental unawareness of teenage problems and issues
  • No idea on how to help a teenager
  • Ineffective communication
  • Effective parenting skills
  • Self-help or support groups
  • Books and other related material that would aid psycho-education on parenting
  • Professional help, if needed
 Peer Pressure 
  • Bullying
  • Anti-social and unsocial behaviour
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Teenage pregnancy
  • Juvenile Delinquency
  • Other maladaptive behaviours
  • Inculcating appropriate value system
  • Strictly adhering to moral and ethical behaviour
  • Choosing right peers
  • Abstinence from unnecessary or inappropriate things/situations
  • Support system
  • Mutual respect and mutual understanding
Educational and other stressors 
  • Problems in attention, focus, memory and concentration
  • Loss of interest in studies/professional goals
  • Exam Phobia
  • Stress and anxiety

 

  • Do not put over-expectation on your teenage daughter or son
  • Clear goals / aims in life
  • Increase motivation to achieve your goals
  • Practice, time management
  • Exercises related to memory and concentration
  • Adequate sleep and rest along with a balanced diet
Media Exposure 
  • Exposure to inappropriate media content leading to personality problems, behavioural malfunctions, anti-social behaviour, promiscuity and so on
  • Using logical reasoning in these situations
  • Age-appropriate exposure to such content
  • Abstinence
  • Moral and ethical judgment

Just as a knife in the hands of a criminal takes one life and in the hands of a doctor saves one; similarly every aspect of life has its own strengths and set-backs. Teenage is one of the golden periods or phases in life where you have a whole world of positive opportunities in front of you. It is not wrong to have friends, adhere to what your parents/elder say, have definite goals, and know about different things. In fact, they act as great boosters to self-confidence, sense of fulfillment, progress, happiness and well-being. What makes it good or bad is the way you utilize them, understand them and deal with them. In teenage it’s like the ball is in your court. You are no more an innocent child. It depends on you on how you bowl the ball – either hit a six and live a wonderful, healthy, meaningful, successful life or get clean bowled by unnecessarily and unethically falling into the pits of drudgery, disease and destruction.

Ideally, you should try your level best to make your teenage yours an ideal phase by living in an ideal way. This ways you will live life as a celebration, as a gift. You will not have to regret over anything as you grow up.

“If you surround yourself with the good and righteous, they can only raise you up. If you surround yourself with the others, they will drag you down into the doldrums of mediocrity, and they will keep you there, but only as long as you permit it.”
― Mark Glamack, Author

Best Wishes,

Sareeta